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  • Agent SD 9:49 pm on December 4, 2016 Permalink | Reply  

    The snow is back! So I changed the theme back to our old winter theme. When the snow leaves, the site will go back to normal.:mrgreen:

  • lem 11:41 am on December 3, 2016 Permalink | Reply  

    im gonna write an actual life update post bc i mcfreakin hate my life

    im still really alone. ex-best friend has decided to take all of my other friends from me and for some reason they’re going with her even though they’ve literally told me they know she’s in the wrong and i’m in the right, just because she is so manipulative and makes everyone so worried about her (i say this from experience of having been the #1 person manipulated by her) that they can’t leave her alone bc they’d feel really guilty for…. letting her leave when she wants to. so instead she leaves and everyone leaves with her and i’m alone and she’s smug and tells me she’s being reasonable and not hurting anybody bc she’s forming a “new group of friends” instead of kicking me out of my own group of friends that i… brought her to

    other, new best friend i guess, that i made out with once and i have a thing going now. that’s nice. i love him a lot and he’s making it all a lot easier for me. the only thing is, he got out of a multi-year relationship 2.5 months ago (though his ex-girlfriend had been ignoring him and treating him terribly for about a month before officially breaking up with him and they hadn’t really communicated much for months before that) but anyway all of that leads to the fact that he’s scared of a relationship right now and also again i stg this is really really personal stuff for me to be posting publicly on the internet and i’m only doing it because the only people who will ever see this who know him are me and jenny so please jenny don’t you dare talk to anyone about any of this.

    my school grades are terrible so there’s that

    i’m moving in less than two weeks

    my parents just don’t stop hurting me

    it’s all really bad basically
    i mcfreaking hate myself


    • Agent SD 9:55 pm on December 4, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Lem *hugs* I’m sorry. I honestly can’t believe what happened with your ex-best friend. Teenagers suck. You’re not in the wrong. It’s clear you’re not in the wrong. I’m really really sorry.

      I’m really happy it’s going so well with you-know-who! That’s so great. Took you guys long enough. :p Seriously though, congratulations.

      I’m so proud of you for powering through. I’m so sorry this is such a horrible point in your life. I believe in you, and I know if you keep going–even if it feels like you aren’t doing this well, I swear you are–it will be different once you’re out of there. I don’t want to say “it gets better,” because that’s annoying and I always hated it when people told me that. But there’s this whole life waiting for you after these next couple years. And it’s not like this. I promise.

      Love you always❤

      • Agent SD 9:57 pm on December 4, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Also dude, do you still have skype access? I’d love to catch up soon! Finals week might be crazy but after the 16th I won’t have a life x3 when do you get out of school?

  • deartomysoul 3:12 pm on November 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply  

    how is everyone?

    • deartomysoul 3:13 pm on November 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      like, truthfully.

    • lem 2:37 pm on December 1, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Have Cs in Chem and English. Got a 100% on my Physics midterm though. Still in mourning about election results. Hoping beyond hope the recount changes things.

      • deartomysoul 2:33 pm on December 2, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        I wish you luck on your chem and English. And yay for physics! I’m assuming you mean the physics class at the college.

      • Agent SD 9:59 pm on December 4, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        I’m hoping along with you, although truthfully not holding my breath

    • deartomysoul 2:33 pm on December 2, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Also, sidenote that I didn’t want to make into a new post: THE SNOW HAS STARTED ON THIS WEBSITE AGAIN! YAY! : D

    • paperclip123 5:21 am on December 3, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      very very VERY stressed about school, wishing i didn’t have friends because of friend drama, generally finding solace in the internet because I’m too afraid of working which is nice i suppose, but probably not very good. also need to choose my A levels by January.

      on a good note, my sister is getting back from university tomorrow and we’re going to miss tomorrow’s school day because we have some geography fieldwork to do. and listening to the hamilton soundtrack and mixtape pretty much non-stop (hahaha) because it’s SO GOOD.

      • Agent SD 9:58 pm on December 4, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        I’m sorry about your friend drama!😦 That sounds like the worst.

        YAY FOR YOUR SISTER THOUGH! and yesssss Hamilton. My little sister loves Hamilton too–I got her a necklace that says “Rise up” for Christmas ^-^

    • Agent SD 10:48 pm on December 4, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I’m getting better. I had a midterm last Tuesday, and I feel like I just sank into this weird depressive episode after it. Like, I was feeling pretty bad beforehand, but I had to stay focused because the test was insane. And then after I took it I just didn’t have any reason to be a productive member of society anymore. The world just feels so bleak right now. Everyone is going through so much pain, and I’m in pain, and I just can’t believe what’s happening to my country, and it’s triggered this huge identity crisis in me, too. So I spent about five days not being a productive member of society. I mean, that’s a bit hyperbolic. I still finished a paper that’s due at the end of the semester and did 75% of my last assignment due, which I’ll finish tomorrow, well before the Thursday deadline. And I did most of my holiday shopping. But it doesn’t feel like much. I did a lot of crying and a lot of not sleeping at night and taking ridiculously long naps to compensate for it and just felt pretty zombielike in general.

      But you know what? I’m still here. And I’m really so lucky to be where I am, for so many reasons. I’m surrounded by love and support, and I’ve cut all contact with my mother, and I’m doing well in college, and I feel like I’m progressing in my career, and I never would have imagined myself in this position. I feel like everything that happened in my past meant something. Like it was worth it that I survived, and like spending too much time studying in high school paid off. I feel like I’m in control. Even when I’m sad, it’s not debilitating. I’m doing my work, I’m taking care of my loved ones, and I’m moving forward. And I’m grateful to be where I am.

  • lem 3:15 pm on November 12, 2016 Permalink | Reply
    The best advice I can offer. If you aren’t American and still want to help, please make some donations (if you can afford it). The ACLU and the NRDC or Earth Justice are the things that are most likely to affect you outside of the US- the first is an organization of free lawyers working for the rights of individuals and groups whose constitutional rights are being hurt by the US government (including non-US citizens/residence; as a whole, they are the closest thing we have to a private non-profit that will go and stop a Trump dictatorship) and the latter two being environmental advocacy organizations, because a Trump presidency is predicted to have a terrible and irreversible effect on the environment.

    I am so so so sorry guys. I am so sorry.

    • Agent SD 12:15 am on November 13, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      The one good thing that comes from all of this is to see how much of our country is fighting back. So many peaceful protests. I encourage everyone to get involved if you can. I’m looking into more ways to get involved, but for now I want to pass this petition along to you guys:

    • Agent Snowbell 8:19 pm on November 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      As someone whose finances come exclusively from my parents, I’ll be encouraging them to cover the monetary part of this. Though I doubt they’ll need much encouragement.

      It isn’t your fault. It isn’t the fault of any one of us. I don’t know if there’s anything we could have done, even all of us put together. Regardless, I’m certainly sorry too; sorry on behalf of the country that I’ve lived in my whole life, but never really belonged in… and yet I never expected it was secretly such a train wreck. I guess that sort of illusion comes from living in a bubble. ,-:

      • lem 12:39 pm on November 16, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Yeah I mean. Here’s the thing, regarding that last sentence. I’ve lived here my whole life too, and I definitely haven’t felt that I belonged because I am queer, and because I am the only person in my family who was born here, but I have always felt that among all of the countries you could live in but not feel a sense of belonging in, this one would be the best one.

        I grew up in a supremely republican area, where our neighbors judged my family for being immigrants and my mom for having a job instead of staying at home with me like all other women there did. I say this, but at the same time, we fit in relatively well, considering- my parents are conservative people, socially, and they are politically moderate to democratic only because they are terrified of unintelligent people holding office and that is what they see in most Republicans. Most of the people in my hometown are the kind of republicans who call the GOP the party of Lincoln, and believe in such things as Tradition and Family Values and Tax Cuts for their greedy little selves, because that town has an average per-family annual income of $250k.

        I knew many of these people well, though I was at that point far too young to know that I am the kind of person that they disapprove of. I saw them as people, just as people with their heads too far up their respectable ass (okay if I use that word on this site?) to understand the struggles of others. In the GOP primaries, they voted Kasich. According to my childhood friends that live there, as Trump got the nomination, the normal talk of politics in the town stopped for a while because everyone was “scared” to announce their support for Trump, because that would be to acknowledge that their conservatism came not from a love of the constitution (Hillary would be the candidate for that), nor from a desire for a moderate, traditionally-focused, respectable America (Hillary would also be the candidate for that). Then, the wall broke. They voted overwhelmingly Trump.

        I’ve lived in a bubble since then- one of the most liberal cities in the US- but I suspected that that’s what it was. You know who voted for Trump? Not the loudly racist unemployed hillbillies of the Midwest, though the electoral college amplified their votes. Trump is conservatism without what it claims to be. He is a republican without respectability, without a love for the constitution. He is freedom for republicans to stop pretending that they care, so it makes sense that he would get more support than any other republican of recent times.

  • paperclip123 4:55 am on November 9, 2016 Permalink | Reply  

    well.,., good luck to all of you american folks

    • Lily 8:46 am on November 9, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      that election totally threw me off. i wasn’t expecting him to win at all.
      honestly it’s filled me with a sense of dread and fear.

    • lem 9:06 pm on November 9, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      oh man. oh man oh man oh man. it’s been. terrible. i’ve been crying on and off. a large portion of people i know have. most of my friends are lgbt so it’s just been a lot of comforting each other. every woman or poc i see in the street looking sad, i get the urge to hug and ask how they’re holding up. none of these statements even capture what it’s really been like, because i’m trying not to fall back into feeling it. so many people are going to die. so many dreams are gone forever, including likely mine. so many things are going to be permanently hurt.

    • deartomysoul 8:19 pm on November 10, 2016 Permalink | Reply


    • Agent SD 1:46 pm on November 12, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I’ve just been crying all week. I have no words. My whole college is grieving. Everyone is grieving. One horrendous person in this country is, well, to be expected. The fact that a little less than half of this nation (I HATE THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE) voted this thing in, this disgusting, juvenile, idiotic orange thing into office. I can’t comprehend it. I never really thought he had a chance. I am so deeply disappointed in this country.

      • lem 3:08 pm on November 12, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Me too, Sarah, me too. Let’s talk tomorrow when I get through the massive pile of work I haven’t been able to do this school week.

    • Agent Snowbell 8:10 pm on November 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Four years. Sweden. Unless, between now and then, I develop enough of a guilty conscience to feel like I need to dedicate my life to staying and fighting on this hell of a battlefield instead of fulfilling my childhood dreams.


  • deartomysoul 7:46 pm on November 8, 2016 Permalink | Reply  

    hi guys i guess i should do a brief update on my life. (lol, these updates seem to be the only things i make posts about…)

    i’ve been trying to go back to being my old self because recently i feel like i’ve transformed into someone who has been on social media such as facebook messenger, instagram, pinterest, etc. too much and i need to stop. i remember when i would despise smart phones because they would “kill my fingers” and it makes me feel bad about myself after having been scrolling through social media for a few hours. i want to go back to the days when i didn’t have a smartphone or as much social media and actually r e a d books…it’s also sad because i haven’t read vigorously as of late…any suggestions? should i delete some of my social media accounts? what to dooo

    trying to keep my gpa up in school because i guess colleges like to see improvement…? i think my freshman gpa was ok but my sophomore gpa went down and now my junior gpa is ok again SO FAR. i really hope that i will be able to keep it that way…

    i got into the school’s musical, little shop of horrors. i’m an ensemble role, which is what i wanted because it’s my first time being in one of my school’s productions and i feel like anything bigger than ensemble would be quite scary…first rehearsal is tomorrow; i’m excited. oh idk if i told you guys (except lemon) but i work at panera now which is very cool because money. lol. and the food is good. but i probably will have to take a break until the musical is over because that will take up a lot of my time. (another reason why i only wanted to be in ensemble is because hopefully??? it will take up less of my time?)

    another thing about school: i do not know what “reach” schools i want to apply to. to be honest, i have kinda given up on thinking about going to really high end schools because i know that i won’t get in??? so far i’m thinking about applying to uw madison, elon university, university of minnesota, and idk, maybe some school in chicago. idk yet. i just wonder what schools i should apply to that are considered “reach” because all my other friends want to apply to really good colleges such as u chicago, uc berkeley, and the like. perhaps i should apply to nyu? any suggestions? lol this has kinda turned into a “jenny’s random thoughts” and “help jenny not suffer” update…

    i hope you all are doing swell.

    • Lily 8:48 am on November 9, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      noo don’t delete your social media!!
      ooh that’s fun good luck with your musical!
      ive never been part of plays or anything like that lol. ive only helped backstage
      im not sure what a reach school is tbh. i have to start thinking of unis too😦

      • deartomysoul 8:18 pm on November 10, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        I mean I’d still be using the internet and checking Terces; I’d probably keep Facebook and Instagram (???), and my blog and tumblr. But probably delete Snapchat, Twitter, etc…Not sure if I want to follow through with this, however.
        Thanks! I did backstage too for a musical. It’s a lot of work!
        Basically means a university that you aren’t sure if you’re going to 100% make it in to and it is a very good university that you are striving for/reaching for.

        • Agent Snowbell 8:07 pm on November 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

          Hmmm… I mean, basically, just ask yourself which you consider to be a net positive in your life, and which a net negative. I just started using Tumblr, and so far it’s been more inspiring and fun than time-consuming, but I doubt I’d decide the same thing about something like Instagram or Snapchat. It’s a matter of personal preference, really.

          As far as reach schools, I suggest a) doing tours and research as to the facilities and b) picking places with weather you’re going to like dealing with for the next 4 (probably) years. Remember, just because it’s got a great academic reputation doesn’t mean it’s somewhere you’d like to live; I chose a moderately well-known and respectable university over Stanford because Stanford’s atmosphere made me kind of uncomfortable, and I didn’t think I would deal well with the additional stress of attending a place like that. Where you go for undergrad honestly doesn’t matter nearly as much as grad school (if you plan to do grad school), as long as you get good grades and the place doesn’t have a horrible reputation.

  • Agent SD 4:44 pm on November 8, 2016 Permalink | Reply  

    Voted for the first time today!
    Anxiously watching the results trickle in.

    • deartomysoul 7:25 pm on November 8, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      ( :

    • lem 9:52 pm on November 8, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      me, watching the results: : (

    • Agent SD 1:48 pm on November 12, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      God this is painful I was so hopeful. I was so looking forward to posting again about blah blah blah first woman president cool. God. Wow.

      • lem 3:09 pm on November 12, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Yeah. Me too. There are no words left for this.

  • Agent SD 9:55 am on October 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply  

    October in LA has been pretty hot. Our weather is also very finicky in the way that the hottest day of one week will have a high of 95, and the coldest will have a high of 77 or something.

    Now, it’s what many in California consider wintery weather. It’s the start of eggnog season, and Seth and I bought our first carton of pumpkin spice eggnog for the year. And yesterday we stopped by a couple stores that had Chirstmasy stuff already. Because it feels like Christmas now.

    And, y’know. Of course, feels like Christmas means it’s 65 degrees right now and it’s a bit overcast.

    It feels really nice, nevertheless, because I think a lot of people in SoCal are used to the weather being pretty stagnant. If you’re not used to it, you might not tell much of a difference between summer and winter. The changes are subtle, but seeing the changing of the seasons in my new home feels special and beautiful. Even if it is just a bit cloudy.

    How’s everyone doing?

    • paperclip123 4:12 am on November 3, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      my google search history: farenheit to celcius
      is the us the only country that uses farenheit

      okay, so it seems to me we’re experiencing the same-ish weather mostly lol. here in dubai we’re ranging between 25-35 degrees c.
      it feels very nice here too! over the summer we reach the forties which i believe is like over a hundred farenheit

      • Agent SD 4:44 pm on November 8, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Yikes! Very hot summers then😮

      • Agent SD 4:45 pm on November 8, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        I think we’re the only country that uses Fahrenheit–pretty dumb. We should really get with the program.

    • lem 9:01 am on November 3, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I’m gradually inching out of the one of the worst depressive ruts I’ve faced so far in my life. In addition to that, I’ve been very physically sick- I think it largely has to do with the fact that I was isolated and not really leaving bed or taking care of myself so the sickness hit me much worse than it usually would. I’m back at school right now. Just had an AP Chem test that I probably failed, but that’s okay. My teachers have been surprisingly understanding and kept my grades at As.

      It’s weirdly warm here? And by weirdly warm I mean like 55-60 degrees lmao. Usually it would be around 35-40 degrees by this point in the year.

      That’s all I really have to say. Hope y’all are doing better than I am.

    • Lily 8:53 am on November 9, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      it’s better than here, it’s so cold but it won’t snow
      (also who’s seth??)
      im sure ive said this before but how cool is it that you live in california?? too cool. though i do love my city too.
      it doesn’t feel like christmas just yet. i think i have to go to oxford st and see the lights before it really feels like christmas to me lmao
      im doing gooood. im dealing with sixth form pretty well. I miss a lot of my friends and my old school though.

  • lem 11:43 pm on October 20, 2016 Permalink | Reply  

    an update on my life:
    (some of these things i haven’t discussed with a single soul so jenny please don’t, my life is terrible right now already)
    my technical best friend of two years, who has been the very definition of codependency for nearly all that time, and can’t stand anything but compliments, decided that she hates me and nearly all of my other friends after i got angry at her for cancelling plans with us and not telling me (effectively standing me up), and has cut me out of her life completely. this is a person whose every problem i’ve heard and tried to help with, down to the very very minuscule and personal, for two years, who’s broken down crying at the concept of ever living in a different town than me, who i’ve gotten through much worse fights with.

    this is honestly destroying me so much, and from such a small and irrelevant catalyst. and the truth is that i’m not capable of dealing with it right now.

    i’m managing my homework a little bit better- got 91% on my physics midterm, when the curve for an A in the class has historically been at around 80%. i have a B in ap chem and we had a two week extra credit problem that would’ve brought my grade to an A that’s due tomorrow morning (well, today morning- it’s 1:30am) and i’m not sleeping anyway because of extreme depression unlike anything i’ve felt in years but i can’t bring myself to do it.

    i’ve been majorly disassociating during every day moments and Continuing To Do Stuff, usually in accordance with my impulses rather than the conscious decisions i rely on when i am in control. the other day i suddenly found myself kissing someone (detail erased so jenny doesn’t share this; don’t you dare share this with anyone and ask to speculate who okay) who i’ve had back and forth feelings for but who i knew it wasn’t a good idea to act on the feelings for for reasons (again detail erased; don’t you dare jenny) and they got really into it and it was good but?????? super scary that i decided Not to Do That and then suddenly lost control and did it without being aware?

    and then, i got braces. what a wonderful teen sitcom. my mouth hurts like hell now, i can’t close my teeth (so i can’t chew, at all, and won’t be able to for the Entire Time i have braces) so now i’m hungry all the time and in physical pain in addition to all the rest of this beautiful feelings cocktail🙂

    • Agent SD 9:05 am on October 21, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Lemon. *hugs*
      I love you so much. I don’t think I have anything remotely helpful to say, and I have a feeling that anything helpful-ish sounding would probably be super annoying right now, anyway. So I’m going to try not to do that. I’m really sorry for everything you’re going through.

      People SUCK. I think I know who you’re talking about, and… Yeah, wow. I’m really sorry. If this is really the end of that friendship, I just want you to know that there are good and kind and loving people out there, who will treat you with respect and communicate effectively with you. And you’ll probably fight with them, and maybe you won’t talk for a few months or a few years, because, well, that’s what happens. Especially as we’re learning to be adults. But it’ll be okay eventually, because those people will be real friends. They’re out there, I promise.

      And the knowledge that they’re out doesn’t help, because that’s happening later and this is happening now. I promise you that the pain will end. When it’s happening, it might feel like it’s happening forever. But I promise it won’t. And it’s okay to be hurt while it’s happening, and you don’t have to feel better right away or even anytime soon.

      I’m *so proud* of you for doing so well in school. You’re going to make it out of this mess and kick some serious butt, and you’re going to be so glad you’re dragging yourself through this hell to get there.

      I’m really really sorry about the disassociation–it can be so so scary to do things that you’re not in control of. You’ll find your control. I also know who you’re talking about, and it seems like maybe you guys wouldn’t be the worst match? Maybe it’s okay to give it a try? But I obviously don’t know the specifics of what’s going on right now. Do what’s best for you, whatever that may be.

      If I were there, I’d stay by your side while you did homework and whatever, even though I definitely couldn’t help with the physics because English major. And if productivity just wasn’t happening, I’d hold you and we could watch Mean Girls or go on a walk and eat froyo or something (does that help with braces pain? I have no idea). And I wish so badly that I could be there and tell you how much I love you and show you the kindness that you deserve. And since I can’t, I’m hoping desperately that you try to treat yourself with more kindness. You deserve a break.

      It’s going to be okay. Someday this will be just be some horrible repressed nightmare that you remember every once in a while, realizing that what you had to go through–the thing you’re going through now–is exceptionally difficult. And even if it feels like you’re failing at handling it, I promise you: you are doing so incredibly well.

      I love you and I’m proud of you. If there’s anything at all I can do, please let me know.

      • lem 8:39 pm on October 21, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Thank you so much, Sarah. So many people have tried to say helpful things to me over the past few days and I’ve appreciated it but it definitely hasn’t made me feel better, just emptier, but this actually did make me smile for a brief moment. I still feel incredibly awful, but thank you so much. I love you too.

    • deartomysoul 7:24 pm on November 8, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      hehe just read this welp

      well idk i don’t really wanna force any solutions but i’ve been kinda following this drama ’cause kenzie explained the gist of it to me so assuming that you don’t really want any annoying advice, i’m just gonna say that i hope everything works out between you two and if things don’t work out, that you two can respect each other and move on in life and be happy.

      and same honestly about the homework thing…even though my classes are not as difficult as your university classes or ap chem, i’ve been procrastinating so much and i want to change but i just can’t seem to find the motivation to. i’ve formed a habit of doing my homework while being distracted by other stuff such as watching youtube videos, which leads me to finishing it at, like, 4 o’ clock in the morning because i’m not allowed to pull overnighters or stay up past 11…so hang in there and know that there are other teens like me that are with you and that thanksgiving break is coming soon! and that we don’t have school on friday! so i guess look forward to the little breaks and little happy things that happen. ( :

      i think i know who you’re talking about…pretty sure…if it is who i think you’re talking about, well, if they liked it and you liked it…i don’t see a problem in acting upon the relationship? if it makes both of you happy, then i say go for it.


  • Agent Snowbell 10:55 pm on October 18, 2016 Permalink | Reply  

    Hi guys!

    no im not procrastinating on calculus at 10:45 at night shh

    So I have an ask blog now, and you all should ask stuff so my characters have things to respond to! :3 Drawing is like the only pastime I have time for these days since I can do it whenever I’m sitting and not actively doing homework and taking notes (i.e. during class, club meetings, on the bus, etc.). And I really enjoy answering all sorts of questions, so I hope you guys come up with some cool ideas! ^^

    Link: >>>

    As for other stuff, semi-dead today. Apparently I have allergies here really badly when I barely had them in Cali. -.- And I finally got home around 10 from my last club (worth it though; it’s D&D ^-^) and still have a homework assignment to do. And I’m supposed to take a shower tonight. ._. See this is why I have failed at my goal of becoming a morning person in college. That and the fact that my significant other is too adorable and interesting and *far* too awake until 4 in the morning every night and it’s like the only time I have to Skype him. >-> At least I never have to wake up as early as I did in high school. In retrospect, I can’t believe I survived being an upperclassman (upperclasswoman? Whatevs).

    Heyyy, random thought: any Undertale fans here by any chance?

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