On Judgement and Why We Make Our Own Hells
Wow, what a great title, Robin. You just have creativity spilling out you ears, don’t you? Like wow. *Sigh*
Today I’m here to talk about why care so much about what people think, why we shouldn’t, and how we make our own lives hell.
It’s no small secret that I get judged. It’s probably no small secret that you get judged. We all do. Judgment is humanity’s way to cope with our own insecurities. By making someone else out to be worse than how we see ourselves it makes us feel a little better. And that sucks. Is it really fair to belittle another to make yourself feel better? Of course all of you are going “No, of course not! I never judge ANYONE! That’s awful and I know how crappy that feels!” Except you have judged and you do judge. You may not even realize but those thoughts pop up in your head all the goddamn time.
What separates the obnoxious intolerable bullies from nice people is how you handle these thoughts. We all know those people who spout judgement-hell, I do it all the time. But the key is, don’t handle it the way the people you hate handle judgement. Because we all know those thoughts can kill. I mean, honestly. They matter. But why. Why do the dumb thoughts of people trying to make themselves feel better hurt us so much?
Humans are companion animals. We can’t survive alone. It’s not physically possible. So when you get singled out from all the other people, it’s the number one sign that you are alone. And humans don’t like that. Not only that, but we are TRAINED by society and raised to believe that we need to hate things about ourselves. You could probably tell me more about yourself that you hate than things you love. When someone makes a point of mentioning those insecurities, it just makes us feel worse about them. Because now you know you’re not the only one seeing it. Everyone else sees it, too.
But, to be honest, judgement shouldn’t matter. Because in the end, those judgements are just made by others who feel JUST as crappy about themselves as you feel about yourself.
There will ALWAYS be someone cooler than you. Someone who seems to just leak those traits you wish you had from every pore. But the thing is, they’re only so much cooler to you because you don’t see their secret loathing. And I think we all need to remember that. No one’s actually any happier or cooler with themselves than anyone else. Just better at accepting how they feel and letting it not affect their life.
I think it’s also important people not forget about the people who DON’T express judgement on them. We often lose track of the friends who put up with every flaw and stupid insecurity. The ones who realize you’re a mess ’cause you’re human and your mom gave you too much food coloring when you were younger or something. It’s so easy to let go of these people in the swarms of negative people. So easy to forget about them, ignore them, or underappreciate them. I think we should remember that. Because by forgetting, ignoring, and underappreciating, we build our own lonely hells. Without them, we lose the support that we need to remind us that the judgements shouldn’t matter and that life is cool.
And, in the wise words of my favorite person on the planet, Ben Folds:
Smile like you’ve got nothing to prove
No matter what you might do
There’s always someone out there cooler than you
Language warning, nerds, by the way. 😉